Never regret: If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience.

I don't know if it's just my optimistic nature kicking in or what, but I have recently taken the view that you should never regret past actions. What is done is done, and you can only learn from what happened and move on. Life is far too short to be preoccupied with the past. Every life event, large or small, is a defining moment where you learn a little more about yourself. Look at relationships that have ended badly; where one person has ended up getting hurt. In situations such as those, you learn what you want and what you don't want. I always thought that I needed someone the complete opposite of myself. I thought that perhaps being with a guy who had the same intellectual interests would be stimulating, but I viewed running, hiking, and the outdoors as a personal escape that I didn't want to share with another guy. After being with someone from a completely different country for a month and a half, who doesn't speak English as a first language and who doesn't have as much of an appreciation for the rugged outdoors where there is no technology or advanced civilization, made me realize that I absolutely must be with someone who not only loves being healthy and fit through exercising daily, but who will on a whim abandon civilization for a weekend to fully embrace the great outdoors. I want to be with someone who will be by my side running a marathon, and then spend the next day lounging on the couch watching crappy TV and eating Chinese take out. I want to be with someone who will push me to my limits. As a team, we will be able to climb to the highest peak and try to tackle the greatest of the world's problems today. If we don't achieve all of those things, it doesn't matter. All that matters is that we tried. I know that Ross is the guy for me. He will push me to take on activities I have never tried before, and in turn he will let me teach him what I know. He is eager to learn about new people and new cultures, and he takes pride in adapting to new circumstances, just like me. I think having him come run the Colorado marathon with me a few months after the previous failed relationship was perfect timing. I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want, and he was it.

What I love about Ross is how much friendships and family matter to him. He's never stuck on his phone, tweeting, texting, or Facebooking when he's with other people. He genuinely cares about the loved ones in his life, and will go out of his way to help them. I really value people who nurture relationships over things, and live to experience new situations and new sensations. I mean, he encouraged Dan, Tim, and I to jump in the freezing cold Poudre river the day before our marathon along it, after driving up the twisting, narrow road to get to the start of it! He's the kind of person who I'll be able to wake up at 5 AM before work to go on a run with me, and he in turn will be kicking my ass to get out of bed as well. I feel like I've finally found my match, and I am so excited for the opportunity to get to know him in San Francisco, and to grow together. There is so much for us to explore in California, and the opportunities there are endless.

I view 3 things as the most important: Family (love), exercise, and travel. I have all of those things and couldn't be happier.

Hello, August

I can't believe how quickly this summer is flying by. Well, to be quite honest it seems like this whole year has just flown by, and so much has happened. It literally feels like just yesterday that I arrived in Denver after the craziness of August 2011 with my return from Europe, Galen's wedding preparation, my grandpa's passing, and then having to load up the Exploder with my entire life. It's sad to think that my life at that time fit in the back of a 1992 Ford Explorer, but hey, that's what happens when you make a big move right out of college!

Situation-wise things are much different now than they were last year as well. I have a year of work under my belt, and feel like I'm clearer on who I am and what I want in life. I think running has helped with that in a big way. When I run, I feel like myself. I can process my thoughts in a way I am unable to while just going about every day activities. For me, running isn't something that will get me into shape and help me lose weight. It's a religion and it's a spiritual experience. I am so inspired by the book Born to Run by Christopher McDougall, which taught me that humans really are naturally built for running, despite what many people believe. It's all about maintaining the proper diet high in lean protein, veggies, fruit, corn, and grain, and implementing the correct running form to avoid injuries. Normal stretching that you think might help you with coordination, really does nothing at all. At this point in my life, it's hard for me to fathom a time when I wasn't running between 1 and 3 hours every day. I think that running the Colorado Marathon in May was a spark that ignited the flame. I have never felt so incredible in my life. I can breathe better, I think more clearly, and most importantly, I know my body inside and out.  I also find that I take much better care of myself now than I ever have before. It's absolutely necessary when you're running a lot. It's pretty funny that the way I make important decisions are while I am on a really long run.

Running really is a form of meditation for me. In early April I went with my friend Laura and her family to Tuscon, Arizona for Easter weekend. This was just in the midst of my training period for the marathon, and my leg muscles were extremely tight. Laura and I both received massages, and I remember the lady giving me the massage (who was Buddhist) was telling me about how she practices the traditional meditation where you sit in silence and relieve your mind of all thoughts. She said that sometimes she becomes overwhelmed with emotion and can't handle the feelings of ecstasy coursing through her. Sometimes this happens to me when I run, except I always have a flood of thoughts seeping through my mind, which never completely goes blank. But while running, my brain is able to filter and process the thoughts in a way that does not happen when I am stationary. Anyways, it's interesting how I was able to connect with a masseuse who meditates while sitting still, just as much as I meditate while in motion. She's Buddhist, while I'm Catholic, but we are similar in that we want to exert positive energy to the earth, so that we in turn receive positive energy, and ultimately achieve sublime happiness.

I have gotten a lot out of this year spent living in the Rockies. I don't think I can say that I despise Colorado, despite the many things that turn me off about it. In all, living here by myself has made me a much stronger, driven, and more confident individual. I think that to totally and completely know yourself and be comfortable with who you are, it's necessary to live alone in a brand new place for a period of time. Or at least to travel by yourself. When you're alone and interacting with strangers coming from places that you've never been, you expose a piece of yourself and really are vulnerable. We all need to feel vulnerable from time to time, and the important thing is transferring that vulnerability into courage, and fully embracing new experiences and new opportunities. We learn and grow by getting out there and experiencing the unknown, not just by sticking with what we are familiar with and know well. You will always have what you know and the people you love to back you up, but you will only fully develop as a person once you have crossed the bridge into the strange and unmarked territory. Sure, you'll make mistakes, but your ability to work around the mistakes and learn from them are what define you in the end.

Denver has been that unknown land for me. I don't think I've ever talked about the weather as much as I have this year. From the beautiful fall Colorado weather with the multitude of golds and reds dotting the changing leaves, to the extreme winter weather when it could be sunny and warm one day, and then blizzard the next. Then there's the summer heat which is a different story. The steering wheel of the Ford Exploder sometimes feels like it's going to melt off in my hand, and stepping out into the direct sun is like getting hit by a train rumbling full speed ahead. But at this time, I'm definitely ready to make the move back to the west coast. I'm an Aquarius, which means that I need to be by water. I constantly tell my friends that in Denver I feel like I'm shriveling up like a prune! But if I hadn't experienced living and exercising high in the mountains, I'd never know that it wasn't for me. I don't believe in bad situations or experiences. I view every experience as something that will teach you a lesson, and help you grow. And I think that's important.

So this weekend I'm off to Seattle to visit with family and friends, and then plans for my move will literally crank into full gear. But I'm excited for this new chapter in my life with new people, places, and events to experience!

Random Stream of Consciousness

I decided I definitely need to post on this blog more. After all, I've always loved writing and reading yet I find that I always forget to. But writing is one of the best ways for me to unwind, distress, and take some clutter out of my mind. I think sometimes I just have a problem writing publicly. The idea that anyone can read what I'm putting out there sometimes puts a barrier up between my fingers and my thoughts. But I guess that's what social media/blogs are for, right? To encourage people to comment and leave feedback. Do you ever think that people are too public with what they put out there online, though? I mean secrets keep people interesting, and keep you wanting to learn and know more about them. In an age where technology is rapidly evolving and the focus is constantly on innovation, do you think that depersonalizes things? Where have the days gone when people used to send letters via snail mail, then actually get up off their butts to go visit the people they love. I'm not saying that I'm against technology, just that people should take some time to put down their iPhones, iPads, etc and live in the moment. Get to know the people around you, and more importantly, get outside and interact with nature.

Despite the devastating forest fires occurring across the state of Colorado, and the frequent ozone warnings, I'm going to be getting in touch with nature quite a bit this summer. I'm moving to San Francisco at the end of August, and am actually feeling a bit sad about the thought of saying goodbye to this fantastic state. Especially because I don't foresee myself living in the Midwest again. Ever. It's been a phenomenal experience but–as I tell all of the people who ask me why I'm leaving–I am an Aquarius and therefore a coastal/water-centered person. I literally crave the ocean when I'm away from it for too long, and sometimes I feel like I'm becoming a dried up prune here in the mountains at elevation 5280. Like I said, I do not regret coming to live here at all since I've learned so much both about myself as a person, and professionally. I'm just saying that a year is enough. It's back to the west coast for me. I'm also very impressed by all of the career opportunities within the start-up companies in San Francisco. I've been working with an awesome recruiter through Betts Recruiting, and she's working on helping me get a sales position in that area. Literally all of the company and job descriptions that she's sent my way appeal to me and I feel that there is an immense possibility for success and career development in that area.

I feel that it was after the marathon I completed in May that I really started to appreciate the beauty and awe-inspiring aspects of Colorado. I think I must have hibernated too much during the winter. I'm definitely not a cold-weather kind of person. It's just too bad that the area where we did the marathon is probably completely destroyed now because of the fires! That scenery will never quite be the same. I'm also planning on climbing a few of the 14ers in Colorado, starting with Mount Evans next weekend. Apparently they are fairly easy to do, and I think it will be awesome to just say that I've climbed a 14,000 ft mountain! Even if it is cheating a little since Colorado is already way above sea level.

Anyways, that's it for now. I'm developing an Aegis new employee handbook and just received an email from the graphic designer with the images. Fingers crossed they look ok!

Ciaoooo xxxxxxxxxx

Opening of The Mysterious Ophelia Majestic

Here is the opening section of the story I'm writing. Let me know what you think! I know it seems a little cheesy so keep in mind that the audience is 14-18 year olds. I am open to criticism but please provide suggestions as well.
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The Mysterious Ophelia Majestic

In a whirl of white she streaked across the night sky. Her pale, bare feet blurred together as she moved. The pine needles and sticks jutting up from the treetops stabbed into her ankles and calves, but they were mere nuisances compared to the internal anguish she was experiencing. She moved almost at the speed of light. The turn-over time of her feet propelled her forward so quickly that she was invisible to any human looking upwards. But the things chasing her weren’t human. 

She looked up, observing the sky. The number of twinkling stars had diminished, indicating their individual defeats. Her family’s star was still illuminated, but it was much fainter than Calliope’s. The battle between them had intensified, and the faint red line stretching out from her star meant that surrender was near. An increasing amount of color seeped out of her star, and she wanted to catch those dying souls in her hands and cradle them back to life. She could feel their extreme anguish as if she was burning too.

The Lumiere de la Vie’s temperature increased as it sensed how close it was to home. From its spot in her pocket, she could feel its energy seeping into her injured leg.  It desperately wanted her to heal. It yearned for its place in the sky and knew that she was the only person who could take it back. Funny how so small of a object could contain so much power. It held enough energy to keep an entire world alive, but it did not possess the ability to cure a scrawny girl’s fatal leg wound.

Her left leg started to drag a little. If the ball of light wasn’t providing her with strength of mind and endurance, then she would already have tumbled down into the tangle of trees and into the fléche’s open arms. She needed to get higher still, above the layer of fog encircling the dense woods. The clearing of the trees that opened up to the river and the great waterfall was close.

She could feel the blood sloshing up and down in her shoe as she ran. The pain had yet to sink in. Panic and then fear had been the overruling emotions compelling her to start running. Once moving, her entire body went completely numb. But the bite was big, and she had been running for almost an hour now. All she could think about was how she needed the next sneeze to be just as big as the first one, or she would never make it up to the portal in the sky. She desperately wished that the jump would come before she could no longer put pressure on her injured leg. Before the venom spreading through her body completely paralyzed her. How long had Celeste said it took for the fléche’s  poison to spread through the human body? A couple of hours? An hour? The longer she thought about it the more sluggish she felt. So she focused her attention again on the star, trying to send a mental message to her dad to send someone to help. To tell him that the Light of Life could make it back before Calliope conquered their world.  But she didn’t know telepathy; she just knew how to fly. 

The rustlings of the fléches beneath her moving through the trees sent shivers down her spine. She could visualize their long, muscular and clawed arms rapidly swinging from tree to tree. The cackling of their laughter intensified. They were like blood-thirsty hyenas on the prowl.

Her foot was dragging a bit, and kept kicking up dust and the scent of pine from the trees beneath her. She inhaled eagerly, hoping that the dust would make her sneeze so that she could leap from the trees before the clearing. But it had never happened before. All she needed was to feel that dizzy, light feeling in her nose spreading to her forehead in about a minute’s time. Why did she always sneeze at that specific place? It was like something deep inside of her felt the magnetic pull from the star. After all, it was her family’s star.

 He was one of them.

The truth kept repeating itself over and over again in her mind. Celeste had warned her to keep hidden and to let no one know of her whereabouts but Sophie. But she had trusted Max too. Perhaps more than she had trusted Sophie. He was beneath her now in the trees, moving in the mass of brown and green bodies trying to catch her. Remembering the blurred image of him transferring into one of them caused vomit to build up in her throat. She tripped over a twig jutting off one of the treetops and almost fell face first into the live darkness below. Moving her arms up and down quickly like she was sprinting in place she remained in the air but animalistic laughter echoed out of the woods and burned her ears. She faintly heard him calling out her name. It sounded so tender, like he was his old self.

 It had happened so suddenly. One moment they were lying together in the cavern and then he had vanished. She had been wrapped in his muscular arms, damp from the sweat created by the fire burning gently in front of them. He was breathing French into her ear. The melodic sound of the words sent her into a dream-like state. When she listened to him she felt just like when she gazed into those liquid blue eyes. The falling sensation would take over. Her entire body would go numb.

“They will never find us, Fee.  Notre amour est comme un mur invisible et indestructible.  We are safe here.”

Our love is like an invisible and indestructible wall. Those tender words, like a spell, froze her entire body. She was a fly so wound up in the enemy’s web that her wings were being crushed. Obviously he had known this and preyed upon her even more.

And now she was running for her life. The pain was just becoming tangible and the shrieking of the fléches beneath her was becoming louder. They could smell the blood and her fear.

Up ahead she saw the clearing. Her cracked lips ached as they formed into a small smile. She could taste blood and smell it all over her body. But that didn’t matter. She was going to make it. The final tree that she always leapt from had the top cut off so that it formed a great human-catapult launch.  It was just feet in front of her. With a jump that sent a shiver of pain from her foot through the rest of her body, she landed on that tree.

 But then she hesitated. She had caught a glimpse of the sparkle from the waterfall descending into the moonlit pool far below her and recalled a time when she had been happy.  Closing her eyes she could envision their two pale shapes, running across the sandy beach and diving into the cool water. She recalled opening her eyes under the water and at the same moment feeling his cold lips press against her own. Later he had said her eyes had looked like orbs of fire under the blanket of water. He had never seen anything so beautiful.

The dark blue of her eyes welled with tears and she felt a sob forming in her parched throat. She turned back the way she had come and looked down at the rustling leaves. The fléches would be on her in seconds, tearing her apart limb by limb. Through her matted, dark hair dispersed across her face she could see their dark shadows moving in close. There was nothing she could do to turn back time.

Whirling back towards her destination, she squinted hard at the star and felt the sneeze come. Mustering all of her strength and swallowing back pain, she jumped from the tree. Her body started to spin and she was shooting upwards. The distance between herself and the beasts was increasing by the second. The star grew brighter and brighter. The window was near.

Agony shot through the bottom of her foot as claws dug through the skin and then clutched her wounded foot. She was being pulled back down to Earth. Down to death. The last thing she remembered was seeing the red eyes with the gold rims, and then all went black as pain consumed her.